by Vampire2020
With more independent TV series and movies a lot of real, but never discussed, topics get covered. The L Word covered it and a coupleof others at least. At one time, I would not have fully understood. Now, I caught this line in McMurtry’s Ruby and Carlos. Well its the chorus line. I discoverd a song-writer I really enjoy along with his guitar and intelligence. He has a couple lines
you can’t stop the flood
it just does no good
You can’t unclench your teeth
to howl the way you should!!
I went through a period that scared and hurt so bad that
crying and anger do nothing. Cutting my self sounds like the only way out, but
you can howl like a wounded wolf without realizing it. It is so primative of
an emotion that I only have with my sons. I get the feeling Craig sees fatherhood the sameway.
No wonder the church used it to expalin Gods love for us. Yea, but I am real and my sons can Skype with me. There is nothing that exists that is physical evidence of a God in the sense of our 3 common religions. I searched and prayed and worked and got frustrated. Then without the certainty, you cannot believe. What do you see that convinces you there is a personal God like in the religious books. I mean, they gave God our emotions, how rediculous can you be. A god would never have any negative energy. Not that I don’t read the bible. Parts of it have been very helpful during the dark times. You gotta walk that lonesome valley alone.
Everyone knows that Judissm, Islam and Christianity all have the Old Testament in common. Then, only the jews are reasonable enough to not have a messiah. OK, back to what has been the greatest gift in my life, my three sons. It is hard to forget how much fucking pain and suffering we all went through but if you can wait, you can form a bond that is stronger than it would have been I think. But physical pain would have been 100 times better.
How do doctors or councelers treat you if they have not experienced that? They have not lived your story. I find maybe 1 out of 5 doctors listen and psychyatrists are the worse. Why there hasn’t been a scandal about that practice is amazing. Instead, the media has stumbled upon some of the early victums of the future. Unemployment. Un-needed, thrown to side or left behind to die because they are just draging us hard workers down. Like some Indian tribes that would not stop if an elder could not keep up. I read that but it is very vague so take it with a grain of salt or a syloquiy. I don’t know how I got so off track.
I don’t like talking about my emotions and even less actually posting them to the global connected society. I don’t really give a shit. Most see the world from a completely different perspective than me. That is insubordination mr. Vampire. Insubordination? Wasn’t that from the movies about the military? We moved past that in the eighties. You know it is an 1700 ’s word that relates to an agreement between a Master and his servant. What the Fuck? Someone was given a supervisor position that wants to be a servant. That can only be given freely by me. Never demanded or forced. Oh what a mistake he made indeed.
